Big Mac, Anyone?

As you may or may not know (depending on how often you read this blog), I am on a mission to get as much free stuff as I possibly can. I haven't heard from the Starbucks folks yet, but it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, so no worries there. Today's project... McDonalds. Given their website comment form restrictions, I'll have to send this via snail mail, but here's a sneak peak.

Today's approach: the humanitarian appeal.

Dear folks at McDonalds,


According to your website, “We all have a duty to act responsibly. To do good. Participate in the lives of others. It’s about taking pride in the world we live in, and dealing with the important issues. It’s about being there for us.” And while I’m not so sure I would have put a comma between the ‘in’ and the ‘and’ in the 4th sentence, I appreciate the sentiment, nonetheless.


It’s in the spirit of this quote that I’m writing you good folks today. In times such as these, we’ve all got to band together and do what’s necessary to get by. Most of us have lost our faith in the financial and economic systems which, just a few years back, seemed to be indestructible. Many of us have lost our jobs. Some have lost homes. But despite it all, we each maintain the common thread that binds us together. We’re a brotherhood (and I use the term in the most gender neutral way I can think of). And as brothers, we rely on each other when times are tough.


As such, I am swallowing my pride and asking McDonalds Corporation for help. I don’t want millions of dollars, even though I have a reliable source that tells me that you guys are actually doing pretty well right now. But I would like a helping hand. Please send me 2 gift certificates that can be redeemed at the restaurant of my choosing, so that me and a guest can enjoy a Big Mac together. I promise that, while there, I will spend some of my own money on some other product, such as a coke or some fries, or maybe even a ‘Baked Apple Pie’. I love your pies. I remember when they were called ‘Hot Apple Pies’. I’m kinda’ old school.


I have always been a huge fan of your restaurants. Sure, there’s the occasional over-cooked French fry, or the slightly stale bun. But by and large, when you walk into a Mickey D’s, you know what you’re getting, and I, for one, truly appreciate that.


Keep up the good work, and thank you in advance for the gift certificates.


Yours truly,


Ben Dismukes


PS – If you have any McD’s t-shirts lying around, I would like one of those too. I’m a large.