It's that time of year again. The post-Halloween sugar rush has come crashing down upon us and already store-fronts across the nation are littered with the debris of Christmas commercialism. Their blinking lights and neon Santas herald the dawning of another "Holiday Season" a good month and a half ahead of the most sacred day in the religion of materialism. Ironic, isn't it? Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of the Messiah who was so humble, even in his long anticipated arrival on planet Earth, that only a few earthy shephers and a stable full of smelly animals were allowed to participate in his welcoming party. Yet these days we kick off the celebration a month and a half early with all the discretion of a drunk monkey and invite everyone to come but the Messiah. Life is good here in bizarro world, isn't it? But this rant isn't about Christmas. No... that one will come later. This rant is about the forgotten holiday - Thanksgiving.
Poor Thanksgiving had the unfortunate assignment of being nestled between the 2 most self-indulgent of all holidays. And because of this unfortunate position, Thanksgiving is the holiday that nobody pays much attention to. Oh sure, we all just love turkey (which, if that's true, why do we only eat it on Thanksgiving?), but holidays shouldn't be identified with a bird. It's degrading. My wife once asked me what our marriage meant to me. I froze. I said the first thing that came to my mind, "home-cooked meals and unlimited sex." Didn't take me long to realize that wasn't the answer she was looking for. And yet, if you polled 100 people and asked them what Thanksgiving was all about, the vast majority of them would mention turkey. Thanksgiving is the red-headed step child of holidays.
And I know a thing or 2 about being a red-headed stepchild. I just so happens that I am a stepchild and yes, my hair is reddish-brown. I come from a family that was very similar to the Brady Bunch - only we didn't have a live-in maid and, to my knowledge, none of my brothers and sisters made out with each other "off camera". I was the youngest of 7 and often the forgotten one. I remember one Sunday, when I was 5, walking outside the church after the morning service where I spotted my parents and all my brothers and sisters sitting in our station wagon as it pulled out of the parking lot, headed for home. I was devastated. I cried violently as I noticed that one of my punk brothers was actually waving at me as the car sped by. I'm not so sure how far into Sunday dinner they got, but at some point the light went off and someone noticed that I wasn't there. Of course not - I was sitting on the church steps with a Sunday School teacher who was ready to call Child Protective Services. They eventually came back for me, but their point had been made.
You'd think that once would be enough. But you'd be wrong. A few months later, my mom and dad decided to take the whole family to a high-school football game. And so they did. Must have been a terribly exciting game too, because it was half-time before they noticed that I wasn't there! Once again, I had been left behind, only this time, no Sunday School teacher's shoulder to cry on.
And so I write this blog with strong emotional ties to the forgotten holiday. Like Thanksgiving, I too am a victim of cruel and heartless people who take perverse pleasure in destroying any fantasies one might have experiencing joy and love. Like Thanksgiving, I know the pain that comes from the blows dealt by the calloused and indifferent. And yet, like Thanksgiving, I find myself coming back for more... year in and year out... holding desperately to the belief that one day they'll come around... one day they'll appreciate me for who I am. Yes Thanksgiving... I too have played the part of the fool. And that's why... this year... I'm your biggest fan.
Thanksgiving... if you were a kid... I'd never leave you at church. And Thanksgiving, I'd take you to any football game you wanted to go see, and I'd make sure you saw the whole game... not just half of it. This year, Thanksgiving... is about you. We'll do what you want. If you'd rather have ham than turkey... then by all that is holy, we will eat ham! We'll show those no-good, flashy holiday lovin' people a thing or two. And if they give us grief, then we'll play for keeps. See... I know a guy who knows a guy... and I'm just sayin... if it comes to it, Thanksgiving... there's ways of dealing with those who stand in our way. I'm gonna make you a star, Thanksgiving. I'm gonna make people like you. You stick with me, pal... and everything's gonna be just fine.
