The Mutually Beneficial Agreement

Today is day 4 of my quest for free stuff. I'm trying a new "approach" to asking each day, and today's method - the mutually beneficial agreement...

Dear Food Network,

Please forward this to the someone in Marketing who has enough clout to make weighty decisions. This is not a joke… it is a serious request.

Dear Food Network Marketing Executive (hopefully the lovely Susie Fogelson),

I’ve been a loyal fan of the Food Network for years. I was watching cooking shows on your network before it was considered ‘cool’ – back when Bobby Flay was just some guy on Grillin’ and Chillin’… back when Ready, Set, Cook was an innovate, although highly unappreciated, new game show… and back when Iron Chef (the original) was still making its blossoming American audience squirm at the thought of eating squid ink and bonito flake ice cream. I say all this not to brag, but to make the point that I am and have been for years, a devoutly loyal fan.

I’m sure you’re overwhelmed on almost a daily basis by croaker sacks full of viewer mail. And one could hardly blame you if were more than a bit put off at the idea that some Joe on the street felt as if he were in a position to demand an autographed copy of Paula Dean’s latest cookbook or perhaps pitch an idea for a new cooking show, showcasing only Lithuanian cuisine. So let me assure you. I am not seeking an autograph, nor am I here to pitch an idea for a show. I am simply looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement - an“I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine” kind of a deal.

What I propose is this: please send me something… like a Food Network T-shirt or a Food Network pen or a Food Network oven mitt – anything you have with your brand on it. What I’m looking for is the satisfaction of saying, “hey, I wrote Food Network and look what they sent.” What I offer in return, is an invaluable branding opportunity you might otherwise miss. Wherever I go in my Food NetworkT-shirt or whatever occasion I might have to pull out my Food Network pen, I assure you that a conversation will ensue through which I promise (I will even put it in writing if it strengthens my position) to encourage those around me to tune in and watch some of the many wonderful programs your network offers. And while I make no quantifiable guarantees, I will say that I can be quite persuasive.

Thank you for your time, and I thank you in advance for the t-shirt.

Kind Regards,

Ben Dismukes

PS – I wear a men’s large.

PPS – If Susie ever actually reads this, could she send me an ‘on-air sign’ on the new season of “The Next Food Network Star” – like maybe flash a peace sign or give a little wink into the camera. That would rock!