English Good

I had to work the day after the day after Christmas, which in itself is a hardship. And given the circumstances, I’m sure anyone could have had an ‘off day’. I certainly did, and I haven’t been able to let go of it yet.

My 12th grade English teacher came into the bank. I hadn’t seen her in 17 and a half years. Many things can change in a 17 and a half year period, however she is not one of them. In my younger days, I called her the pit bull because of her stern demeanor and her hulk-like forearms. I had forgotten this, but it all came back to me the instant I saw her again. She embraced me with her burly arms as she greeted me. It was a good hug, but not one you’d expect from an elderly woman. We briefly exchanged pleasantries. Then I asked her about my son, who now attends my alma matter, where she holds an administrative position. And this is where I collapsed.

“Oh, he’s wonderful,” she said as her expression moved from pit bull to grandma. “We don’t have any trouble out of him. He’s a good student and he’s so smart, especially in math. Just like his daddy.” And like a jolt of lightning out of the clear blue, it hit me. My English teacher was insinuating that I was no good in English. Oh sure, to the average person, it sounds as if I was being complimented. But I am no average person (see the genius article below). I can read between the lines. I could hear what she was saying, loud and clear: “You must have been smart in math, because you sure as heck sucked at English.”

I protested, “Actually, Isaac is very verbal, just like me.” And this is where the train wreck occurred. I panicked. I literally couldn’t construct a linear thought from that point. Ever try to convince someone you’re good at something while failing to do the very thing you’re bragging about? I stuttered. My sentences ran on. I dangled my participles. I even ended a sentence with a preposition. I could see the doubt in her eye, and I should have just ended the conversation there. But I didn’t. I went on. Out of desperation, I began a ‘no really’ tirade of nonsense as I desperately tried to convince her of my verbal proficiency. I’m not sure exactly what I said, but as I look back, I remember it this way: “me good English. Me want to write book. Isaac too book write yes. English good. Ben good too.”

The conversation eventually collapsed, and we parted ways. As we did, I detected a slight twinkle in her eye. Only it wasn’t a feel good twinkle. It was more like an ‘I told you so twinkle’. In the course of just 10 minutes, I had convinced us both that I am math smart.