The Happy Traveller

It’s 4 am, and I’m awake. That can only mean one thing. I am going on vacation.

The phenomenon of sleeplessness on the eve a trip has me somewhat perplexed. I mean… I know that it’s nerves of excitement kicking in and all that, but, what sort of logic is my body operating under when it deprives itself of sleep before a big day of travel? Hasn’t it learned by now that I am extremely ornery while i'm 'on the road'? It doesn’t take a genius to understand that grumpiness and sleep deprivation are about as lethal a combination as Sudafed and heavy machinery. So whether it’s because my body is a glutton for punishment or it suffers from a horribly poor capacity to learn from past mistakes, it continues to haunt me on nights like tonight.

I don’t mean to be an irritable trekker. I’m honestly not the kind of bloake that delights in making everyone else around me miserable. It just sort of happens at times, especially when there’s an airport involved. My wife has pointed this flaw out to me repeatedly, and it’s a good thing. It seems it went undiagnosed for 24 years. But thankfully, she came along and revealed the truth that somehow hasn’t quite set me free just yet.

Honestly, I don’t think her assessment is all that accurate. I mean… sure, there have been a couple of times when I may or may not have been slightly edgy about getting to the airport on time. My frugality does seem to be at its worst when I’ve just dropped two grand on a pair of plane tickets, and tight wads like me often get irritated at the thought of parting with their money. And there was that one time, when we flew across the country with 2 year old who refused to go to sleep but instead opted for a three and a half hour long, blood curdling scream at an unprecedented level of volume. That was a little like grinding salt rocks into my already gaping wounds. But aside from a handful of instances, I’ve been pretty amiable while on the road.

The problem is, and I often think this is the root of many evils in my life, I’ve been typecast. I was, as I pointed out earlier, perhaps a bit ill-tempered at times during our first few trips together. Therefore, to her, I will forever be known as the jack ass with suitcase in hand. My niceness goes unnoticed, because she chooses to focus on all the horribly insensitive and abrasive things I say and do. Sure, there are plenty to go around… but why make them the focal point. After all, the law of attraction dictates that we will get the things that we focus on. In light of this untested and unproven theory, I could blame her for the occasional slip up… though such a thing would never occur to me.

Why not praise me every time I say something nice or do something that’s not malicious? After all, when my dog pees outside, I praise the heck out of her. I guess I could remind her that the moral victory obtained from relieving herself in the correct place will, in time, prove to be short-lived. I could, if I was that kind of person, chastise her daily and remind her that, in spite of a handful of successes, she’s caused me to clean up more dog excrement than I care to see in my lifetime, let alone touch. But I don’t do that, because somewhere, deep inside of me, I see the good in people (and apparently dogs). And I want to thrust my hand deep into the souls of those in which that goodness rests, and yank it out with all the benevolent force that I could possibly muster.

Regardless… I vow to make today different. Today I will be as nice as I possibly can. Today I choose to be as patient as Job, who, incidentally, griped at the drop of a hat, but no one ever called him a grumpy traveler. Today I will be as nice as… what th… doesn’t she hear that alarm going off? Is she going to sleep the morning away while our plane leaves without us? Hang on… I’ve got to go thrust my benevolent hand under the covers and pull my wife out of bed… %$#@!